Worst Mommy Award

Right now, I feel like I deserve the "Worst Mommy Award". I am typing this as Autumn is sitting in her bed yelling, " Mommy, mommy, momma, wait...momma." She wants to get out of that bed so bad. I just want her to lie down for 10 minutes and take a nap, so that there was some success out of these past 2 hours.
This stinks...that's that the word I wanted to use, I wanted to say what the vaccum cleaner does.

Today was the day I wanted to work really hard on getting her to take a nap. However, I think it all went down hill when she fell asleep in the car for about 20 minutes. But 20 minutes isn't a normal nap. So, we came home. We ate, and then I did the routine her and her papaw do. I sat and rocked her while the t.v. was on to kinda relax her. This didn't work. So, I thought...you know, why not do what I do at bedtime. Bedtime is going pretty good right now. So I gave that a try.

We went into her room. We read a few stories. We sang a couple of song, and said some prayes. Then I told her to go lie down, and I would come cover her up. Well, see that's where the problem is. It's been down hill since then. She's danced around in her bed. She's bounced. She's played with her socks. She's laid still for a few minutes to get up again. She's cried and fussed. There were so many times, I just wanted to get her up out of the bed, but I want to see if she would just go to sleep for just a second or two. That's all I am asking for.

She even went as far as to lay down and make sleep noises. Then yell out to me, "Momma, I do it. I sleep! I sleep!" It was precious, but...

Like I said, I feel horrible and I hate this. I just want her to rest. Because if she doesn't rest now, then she's going to want to at 4:30. I feel like we have wasted so much time, especially today with it being 72 degrees out side. I want her to rest just for a second, then I will praise her and reward her. I will take her outside to play with her bubbles. We can run around in the backyard with Bama. I just want her to sleep for just a couple of minutes. So that we both can feel successful.

This is killing me and I hate it. I hate hearing her call out to me and crying. I hate that she won't take a nap for me but will for her grandfather. I hate that I not only feel like a horrible mother right now, but I also feel like I am a failure. This Vaccums!!!

So after about ten minutes of posting this blog....

Autumn finally gets brave enough to get out of her bed (I am not going to lie...I told her earlier if she got out of her bed she would get a spanking) to come look for me. Now, saying this...I did actually sit in her room for much of the first part of this issue, because at bedtime...I sit in there until she falls asleep. I haven't been able to figure out how to leave before then just yet.

So, I hear her feet as she looks out the door (because after I left her room, I sat outside of her door for a long while, although she couldn't see me) and saw that I wasn't there. She started crying some more. So, I calmly said, "Autumn, come here. Mommy's in here."

She came into the kitchen, and I just took her in my arms and asked her to put her head down and hug me. She did...and within 3 minutes, she was out cold. So, I just laid her down in the bed, hoping that she will sleep for a little bit.

But now I feel guilty and horrible again. Because, all it took was comforting her and holding her for a brief moment. But I did this when we first started out today. I held her, rocked her, etc. and it didn't work then. So, what am I supposed to do?